Marriage is one of the most important institutions anywhere in the world. It connects individuals, unites families, and shapes society in ways that make it stronger and more sustainable.
Among Nigeria’s many ethnic and religious groups, marriage is practiced through many forms and for many purposes. From traditional unions to modern, romantic partnerships.
While people marry for various reasons, including financial security, family reputation, and cultural expectations, love has always played a central role in how marriages are formed and sustained.
This article will explore four major types of marriage found in Nigeria using love as a determining factor: love-based, arranged, forced, and the culturally specific Auren Kashe Wuta (fire-quenching marriage).
The essay also examines the ongoing debate about whether love should be the foundation of marriage or if responsibility and faithfulness matter more.
Love-Based Marriages
Love-based or “free-choice” marriages are those formed through mutual affection and personal choice.
These unions are especially common in cities where modern education, global media, and urban lifestyles influence how people meet and fall in love.
Young Nigerians often meet through school, work, social media, or religious gatherings. They date, build emotional connections, and choose partners based on shared interests and compatibility.
However, love alone isn’t always enough. Family approval still matters, and most couples involve their parents before making their union official.
In Yoruba culture, for example, courtship is taken seriously, and even love-based couples must go through traditional ceremonies to gain family blessings.
A 2024 study on love in Nigerian marriages found that among the Igbo, love-based unions reported higher levels of emotional closeness and satisfaction during the first five years of marriage. This suggests that emotional connection strengthens bonds and helps couples handle challenges.
Still, love-based marriages are not without difficulties. In Nigeria’s competitive urban economy, job insecurity and high living costs can put stress on relationships. At times, romantic expectations clash with cultural or financial realities, leading to conflict or even divorce.
Arranged Marriages
Arranged marriages remain common in many Nigerian communities, especially among the Hausa, Yoruba, and Igbo ethnic groups.
In arranged unions, parents or elders play a key role in selecting a spouse, usually based on factors like family background, religion, financial status, and moral values.
Unlike forced marriages, arranged marriages usually give the couple a chance to meet and decide if they are compatible.
Over time, the practice has evolved. Today, arranged marriages in many communities allow greater freedom, with young people having more say in who they marry. While love may not be the reason they start the marriage, it often develops later as the couple builds a life together.
Love in arranged marriages is usually practical. It is expected to grow from shared responsibilities like parenting, managing a home, or supporting each other’s goals.
Among the Hausa, for instance, arranged marriages are seen as partnerships between families, not just individuals.
Emotional connection is expected to grow as the couple learns to understand and respect each other.
Research shows that after several years, arranged marriages in Nigeria can show similar levels of intimacy, passion, and commitment as love-based marriages.
This highlights how love can be cultivated over time through patience, communication, and shared experiences.
Forced Marriages
Forced marriages happen when one or both people are made to marry against their will. These marriages often occur for reasons like family pressure, cultural customs, or economic gain.
Sadly, many young girls in rural areas are victims of forced marriages, sometimes to settle family debts or form social alliances.
Forced marriages usually lack emotional connection. Many women in these situations feel trapped, unhappy, and powerless. Their ability to build love or trust in the relationship is limited.
A study on women’s autonomy in Nigeria reported that brides in forced marriages often suffer from emotional distress, low self-esteem, and limited control over their lives. In some cases, abuse and neglect are common.
Social stigma around divorce prevents many women in forced marriages from leaving, even when they are unhappy.
Although advocacy groups have called for stronger legal protections and more awareness, progress is slow.
The lack of love in forced marriages often leads to long-term emotional harm and marital instability.
Auren Kashe Wuta: Fire-Quenching Marriage
In northern Nigeria, especially among Muslim communities, a unique form of marriage called Auren Kashe Wuta exists. Translated as “fire-quenching marriage” in Hausa, this type of marriage is temporary and is usually arranged to follow Islamic divorce laws.
According to Islamic teachings, a man who divorces his wife three times cannot remarry her unless she marries and is divorced by another man. To get around this rule, some couples organize a temporary marriage where a woman marries someone else with the understanding that the marriage will end soon, allowing her to return to her former husband.
This type of marriage is highly controversial. It is often seen as a mere formality, lacking emotional or physical intimacy. The temporary husband is usually a trusted friend or relative, and the entire arrangement is planned to serve a religious or social goal rather than a personal connection.
There is a current suspicion thrown at popular Hausa Actress Mansura Isa for practicing this Auren Kashe Wuta in order to get back to her former husband, Sani Danja, who’s also a very popular Hausa actor, singer and producer.
Mansurah Isa married a man after her divorce from Danja, but she said the new husband took her to Lagos and abandoned her there. When she queried him, he said he had forgotten he had married her. Fans and social critics are suspecting Mansura to be planning the same Auren Kashe Wuta in question.
It remains to be seen whether she will remarry Danja; a marriage that will confirm all suspicions of her intentions.
In Auren Kashen Wuta, there is little room for love, respect, or meaningful partnership in this kind of union.
The ethical concerns are serious. Women involved in Auren Kashe Wuta may feel used or disrespected, especially if they had no real choice.
While such marriages follow religious laws, they challenge values like personal dignity and emotional well-being.
Does Love Matter in Marriage?
There is a growing argument in Nigerian society, especially online, that love is not the most important factor in marriage. Some people believe that loyalty, discipline, and commitment are more valuable than emotional affection.
They often point to statistics showing low divorce rates in arranged marriages in countries like India, compared to higher divorce rates in the United States, where love is the foundation.
However, these comparisons can be misleading. In countries like India, divorce is socially frowned upon, and many couples stay in unhappy marriages because of pressure from family or society.
In contrast, emotional dissatisfaction is one of the most common reasons for divorce in Western countries. Simply staying together doesn’t mean the marriage is happy.
In Nigeria, the situation is more complex. While divorce is still stigmatized in many rural areas, urban couples are more likely to separate if they feel unfulfilled.
Studies show that a majority of Nigerian divorce cases involve arranged marriages, suggesting that duty alone may not be enough to keep a relationship strong.
Cultural shifts are happening, and many Nigerians now want both love and responsibility in their unions.
Why Love Still Counts
Even though responsibility and faithfulness are important, love adds emotional depth to a marriage. It creates trust, compassion, and the ability to weather tough times together.
When partners feel loved, they are more likely to communicate well, support each other, and build a stable family environment.
Research confirms that couples with higher emotional intimacy experience less stress and greater happiness.
In arranged marriages, love may come later, but when it does, it strengthens the union.
Traditions like the Igbo Igba Nkwu or the Yoruba Alaga Ijoko help families bond and lay the foundation for emotional connection.
These rituals can support the growth of love, even when the match wasn’t originally based on romance.
Forced marriages and Auren Kashe Wuta, on the other hand, often lack this foundation. Without love, many individuals in these marriages feel isolated or emotionally disconnected, leading to unhappiness or instability.
Encouraging love and mutual respect in all marriage types is crucial to improving marital outcomes in Nigeria.
Digital Access and Changing Ideas
Access to the internet is changing how Nigerians think about love and marriage. Young people in urban areas are more exposed to romantic ideas through social media, movies, and digital platforms. As a result, they are more likely to seek love-based marriages.
In contrast, people in rural areas may not have the same exposure and often continue traditional practices like arranged or early marriage.
Bridging this gap through digital education and open conversations can help more Nigerians make informed choices about marriage. It also opens up space to talk about issues like consent, emotional well-being, and the value of love in long-term relationships.
Conclusion
Marriage in Nigeria is shaped by a rich mix of cultural, religious, and modern influences. Love-based, arranged, forced, and Auren Kashe Wuta marriages all reflect different values and practices. While the debate over whether love is necessary continues, one thing is clear: love helps build stronger, happier, and more respectful unions.
Rather than choosing between love and responsibility, couple can embrace both. By supporting informed choice, emotional health, and cultural traditions, families and communities can create marriages that are not only stable but also fulfilling. Whether through personal freedom or shared values, love should have a place in every Nigerian marriage story.
