As a single woman in her 20s, I am no stranger to meeting potential partners in search of the one. However, the expectation of intimacy on the very first meeting left me feeling very uncomfortable and much like a social pariah. This made me question the direction our society has taken with respect to sex and relationships. This experience is dare I say a reflection of a broader phenomenon that prompts us to reconsider the legacy of the sexual revolution. Was it true liberation or have we been led into a fantasy world rather than genuine freedom?
The 1960s conjures up images of bell bottoms, flower power, and a seismic shift in societal norms. At the heart of this transformation was the sexual revolution, a movement that promised liberation from repression and ushered in an era of openness about sex. But decades later, it’s time to ask: Did the sexual revolution truly deliver it promises? Or has it become a fantasy, leaving us grappling with unintended consequences?
The Allure of Liberation:
The sexual revolution emerged as a rebellion against a rigid social order. Women, in particular, sought control over their bodies and sexuality. Birth control pills, readily available from the 1960s, became a symbol of this newfound freedom. Sex, once shrouded in secrecy and shame, was now celebrated as a natural and enjoyable aspect of life.
This liberation paved the way for positive changes. Open communication about sex became more common, leading to healthier relationships between consenting adults.
The Paradox of Choice; The Cracks Begin to Show
However, the revolution wasn’t without its downsides. The emphasis on casual sex, fueled by readily available pornography and a “hookup culture,” has led to a sense of detachment and a decline in emotional intimacy.
Sex used to have a sacred status in all religious traditions. In Islam, sex has to happen in the confines of marriage but now all that falls away with the new-found sexual revolution. At least that’s what the movement preaches (i.e. sex is just like a leisure activity without any special attribute to it).
In practice however, everyone has the inkling at the back of their minds that sex is a special or sacred thing and that is why in relationships, casual or otherwise, when one finds out that their partner has sex with another person, there’s such a visceral reaction to it. An example of this is in polyamorous relationships where there is a presence of jealousy even when one partner knows and consents to their partner having sexual relationships with others.
The pressure to conform to certain sexual expectations has essentially robbed people of the very choice that the movement preaches making this movement almost coercive. An example of this is that in pre-sexual revolution times, when a lady goes on a date, the man knows that there’s no chance of having sex with the lady on the first meeting. However, that has flipped in recent times where the assumption is essentially to get intimate from the very beginning. Now one has to negotiate not wanting intimacy which may be difficult because one would grapple with not wanting to be seen as a prude.
The rise of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) is another unintended consequence. While readily available contraception and protection empower individuals to make choices for themselves. Safe sex practices sometimes take a back seat, leading to a rise in STIs.
Women’s Liberation and the cost of casual sex
The idea of women having sex like men as an ideal doesn’t suit the interest of most women. The very biological way a man and a woman give and receive sex are very different and it doesn’t make sense for one to adopt another. This is not to say that there aren’t women who enjoy casual sex and one-night stands, but this number is a minority. The majority of men gravitate toward casual sex more than women who in reality want stable monogamous relationships but now have to settle for casual sex, making them generally dissatisfied. In this scenario using the minority as a benchmark for the norm will create a social problem.
Some may argue even that there are sex workers who willingly participate, however, a majority of the women in the sex industry do not enter willingly. In the global industries, it is the poor countries that ‘provide’ these sex workers. In the brothels of the United Kingdom and it’s environs you’ll find these poor women spanning from Africa to Asia. How did they get there? Certainly not by will or consent, they are all first made to believe that they were going to find some type of cleaning or clerical work fit for them only to be blindsided and forced into the sex work industry by their ‘Madame’s’.
The feminist ideas at the core of the revolution haven’t fully materialized. Women still struggle with sexual harassment. The emphasis on female sexual availability and attractiveness often overshadows female empowerment and agency.
Redefining Freedom:
Perhaps the most important takeaway is that the Sexual Revolution is not a fixed destination but a continuous journey. We need a continuous conversation about healthy sexuality, one that acknowledges the complexities of human relationships and celebrates our diverse experiences.
So, where do we go from here? Perhaps it’s time to redefine freedom in the context of sex. True sexual liberation isn’t about unbridled desire or chasing fleeting pleasures.
I would advise that any pressure on you to ignore your moral intuition should be ignored, a thorough vetting should be done on the man you’re thinking of having sex with because sex is serious business and finally, a committed relationship is the most reliable institution to protect one from the ills and bad consequences of casual sex.
What are your thoughts on the sexual revolution?
