Navigating the workspace is challenging for everyone, but for highly sensitive people like myself, the journey is not only challenging but also overwhelming. Let’s go back to my first experience in a formal workspace setting. An internship that ended up unveiling my sensitive nature. I had a burning desire to excel, and this made me overburden myself with work. To make things worse, I seemed to be absorbing the emotions of everyone around me. Every frown, complaint, or negativity rubbed off on me.
There was a time when I poured my heart and soul into a project, and the reviews didn’t reflect total satisfaction. My emotions heightened, and tears helplessly rolled down my cheeks. It was so embarrassing, and I promised myself it wasn’t going to repeat itself. I stood in front of my mirror, practicing how to hold back tears, and even looked up better ways to handle criticism. Lo and behold, it repeated itself over and over again.
As if learning to keep my emotions in check wasn’t enough, I had to put up with a colleague who constantly triggered me. Her favorite office activities were; talking at the top of her voice, belittling others, complaining non-stop, and making boring, insensitive jokes. I disliked having encounters with her, but avoiding her was impossible. Whenever she was on my team, I worked extra hard to perfect my ideas just to avoid her complaints. I ended up burning myself out and crying more times than I’d like to admit.
I wondered why I was so different from the others because everyone seemed to be handling her excesses more than I could. My quest to discover why I felt deeper emotions than others made me realize I’m highly sensitive. And that was my life-changing moment.
I realized that people like me, who feel the rawest form of emotions, overthink, and deeply empathize with others. The actions of our colleagues can have a profound impact not only on our day but also on our overall mental well-being. Work is an unavoidable part of our daily lives, and it’s impossible to avoid interactions with other co-workers. Whether it’s sharing responsibilities or simply seeking assistance. The tougher the situation, the more emotionally overwhelmed an HSP gets. This is why it’s important to identify various types of difficult colleagues, as well as provide practical approaches for handling them.
Different types of difficult colleagues
- The smarty-pants: These individuals assume they’re the best and can handle all responsibilities. When you’re in a team with them, your intelligence is undermined, and you’re barely allowed to contribute.
- The gossip: They always just want to talk, whether about things they know or have no clue about. They spread both well-founded and baseless rumors and often make snarky remarks.
- Passive-aggressive Co-workers: They mask their true feelings and pretend things are okay, but express their hostility through indirect actions.
- The hostile co-workers: They’re extremely rude, supercritical, and always ready to pick a fight. They leave no room for mistakes and always find faults.
- The wreckers: These co-workers love to spread rumors, spew derogatory comments, and are fond of yelling.
Here are practical ways to deal with the different types of difficult co-workers
1. Understand your triggers: Dealing with difficult colleagues can be especially tougher for highly sensitive people (HSPs) like us, who are emotional sponges. We sense conflicts more intensely, absorb other people’s energy, and often avoid confrontations. This is why to handle a difficult colleague, you have to first understand your triggers and needs. You must identify the particular act of your colleague that triggers you.
Ask relevant questions such as:
“What is the particular thing this person does that affects my mood?”
“How frequently does this occur?”
“Do they react this way when something happens at work, or are they always this way.”
Once you’ve figured this out, it’s time to figure out a way to maintain your sanity.
Let’s say, loud noises affect you, and there’s that one colleague who always just wants to shout or raise their voice. You can ask for a quieter spot in the office or plugin noise-canceling headphones to create a more peaceful environment that suits your needs. The key is finding what works best for you and making it a part of your office survival toolkit.
2. Protect your energy: HSPs have a unique build. This means our brains work in overdrive with emotions. And too much drama or noise can be overwhelming. So, it’s important to be mindful of the time you spend around difficult colleagues. Their emotions and reactions can significantly affect your day, leaving you feeling burdened and sad. Protect your energy by regularly taking a walk in nature. Keeping a plant by your desk, and placing a picture of something that makes you happy on your desk for reassurance and mood-boosting when things get overwhelming.
3. Have a support system: HSPs can get extremely stressed and anxious, especially when dealing with a difficult colleague. This is where your support system comes in. Talking to someone you trust, whether it’s a friend, a co-worker, a therapist or a family member is a great way to deal with stress. Let them know how this colleague constantly upsets you and affects your mood. Letting it all out instead of bottling is therapeutic, bringing you a sense of ease. They can offer you guidance, and together, you can brainstorm some coping strategies that work for you.
4. Try not to take things too personally: I know, not taking things personally can be a tough nut to crack, especially for us HSPs who overthink the tiniest details. I remember ranting to my bestie about how my co-worker’s endless complaints were giving me a tough time. She said, “It’s impossible to control other people’s actions, but you can control your reaction.” I was like “Duh, I know that, I’m sure I’ve heard it a couple of times, the problem is how do I do that?”
She then explained that instead of thinking their actions have something to do with me, I should assume they’re dealing with something else that’s making them act that way. I was skeptical, but I gave it a shot, and surprisingly, it helped me. So, whenever she complained about something or just wanted to pick up a fight over the smallest things, I’d just tell myself, ”She’s got something else going on”, and shrug it off. It really did make life a bit easier for me and I hope you try it too.
5. Distract your mind: When dealing with difficult co-workers, it may be helpful to distract your mind from overthinking their actions. For instance, if you’re working with a passive-aggressive person, who’s trying to upset you without being direct, don’t waste time trying to figure out why you’re a target or what they’re up to. Instead, focus your energy on other important issues.
An example, if you’re in a team and there’s that one person who wouldn’t stop giving sly remarks about your ideas and then pretend it’s a joke. Instead of overthinking their ugly comments or soaking in their bad vibe, focus on perfecting your ideas. And if you find your mind wandering back to those comments, try playing games, watching funny movies, or listening to music.
6. Set boundaries: It’s essential to set both physical and emotional boundaries with difficult co-workers. You have to be crystal clear about what you will and will not tolerate, so no drama messes with your emotions. Stating your limits sends a clear message to them and they’re more aware of where to draw the line. It will save you from the constant confrontations and having to hold back your feelings to protect theirs.
For instance, if a colleague just won’t stop interrupting when you’re trying to speak, you can clearly and politely say “Can you not interrupt me until I’m done?”. Another instance, if a colleague keeps trying to argue over a task, you can say “Let’s talk about this when you’re in a better mood, or mail me your observations, and I’ll attend to them.” You can also decide to avoid certain topics, or limit your interactions with them to work-related matter only. Remember your energy is precious, don’t give it to just anyone.
Additional tips
- Get yourself a journal and write down those annoying behaviors from your colleagues. It’s like a safety net, in case it gets unbearable and you need to report it.
- Try keeping your emotions in check by taking deep breaths when things get heated
- Level up your conflict resolution skills, it always comes in handy.
- Remember to take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat proper meals, and exercise frequently.
HSPs are forever a valuable asset to any company they work in. Yet, we may experience challenges when dealing with difficult colleagues due to our heightened sensitivity. But by setting boundaries, identifying triggers, and having a support system just to mention a few, coping with difficult colleagues becomes easier. Don’t forget, that our strength lies in our sensitivity. And with the right coping mechanisms, we will shine brightly in the workplace.
